Sunday, September 12, 2010

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to move. You are a sitting fire hazard."

Today we had Regional Stake Conference. Fortunately, Since I am a college student and attending a BYU ward, I got to attend at the Marriott Center where it was being broadcasted from. Here are a few highlights.....

*Since there were so many stakes (17 I believe was the number) at the Marriott Center it was quite the packed house. So many people and not enough seats so there were people standing everywhere. Camille and I were sitting right by an exit which was interesting. Some people tried to sit around different parts where there weren't seats, and one place in particular had a number of people cycle through. It was a little ledge right next to the stairs and people would sit there and then the Usher would tell them that they had to move. Then, more people would come and he would continue to tell them to move. At one point, I heard the Usher say, "Sir, I am going to have to ask you to move. You are a sitting fire hazard." I just thought it was so funny that he would say this guy was the fire hazard. haha. It was much more funny in person.

*There was this couple sitting in front of us who were so extremely obnoxious. They talked and messed around through the whole thing and Camille pointed out that even though thats how they were acting, they were both going to be married before we were haha. Anyway, then all of a sudden the guy cocks his arm back and the girl flips out and pulls it down super fast before he can do anything. He was going to chuck his arm wrapper at someone he knew who was sitting a distance away. I couldn't believe he was in freaking college.

*As I sat there in that arena that held some 22,700 students, I had a chance to watch all kinds of different people from all over the world. It was so interesting to watch one section at how much people move around and fidget (not sure how to spell it ha.) The more I watched or glanced, the more distracted I would get. You don't realize it, but people are constantly moving around so much it's so crazy!

*I also realized today I am so easily distracted. I knew this before because during class I aways get distracted by everything. But today I realized it even more so. People were getting up to leave early and I could not focus at all after that point. I hate being to distractable. It's such a pain.

*One thing that was nice was I just happened to be sitting in the dark and this was nice because I had a terrible headache. While I was sitting there in the dark, I noticed that a little over half of the arena still had the lights on. I found this quite interesting and began to think about how it applies to my life. I often find that I feel so in the dark about so many different things and that I am so alone. I have no idea what I want to do with my life, what I want to study in school, who I want to be or become, how I want things to end up, and so on. It always seems like everyone else has their lives all figured out, and I know this may not really be the case but often times it feels like it. I often, (nearly every day actually) wonder why I am so in the dark about why I am having to suffer so much right now. Why I can't have a sister who cares, why I have constant headaches that are the worst pain I have ever felt (yes, they are much worse than each time when I tore the ligaments in my ankle and could not walk whatsoever combined), why those headaches have to last all day long, why I have to feel like my body is 30 years older than me, especially when the barometer changes, because of the decisions that I made to follow my passion in high school, why I am always so ridiculously exhausted all day long, even after I have gotten a good nights sleep because my body and brain are working triple over time to compensate for the brain damage I have had. I always just want to know why me. I know that I really should not be asking this question, but I can't help it. So, here I sit, in so much darkness that it is almost overwhelming. But, at that same time that I feel so overwhelmed and in the dark, I can still see somewhat, because I can see enough to write on my paper or know what the people around me are doing. So maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel? Maybe. I would hope so. But I sure do hope that that tunnel is coming to an end very quickly because I don't think I can hold my breath much longer. (Know that game, when you were little and would go on road trips and anytime you went through a tunnel you would hold your breath and see who could last the longest? Ya, I used to play that game all of the time with my brothers and sister and NEVER win.) Maybe I will win this time though. I sure hope so.

After all of these things, I had quite the afternoon because I had such a horrendous headache all day long I just wanted to curl up in a ball and die. I hate when they get that bad because there is nothing that I can do to make it go away except wait it out. And most of the time, it takes hours and hours and I can hardly focus on anything or do anything to full capacity. It is such a pain. Sometimes I kind of just wish that I had a brain tumor or something so that they can just cut out the pain and then it will all be over with and I won't have to deal with it anymore. But, I'm pretty sure that is not the case.

Now, I am going to go finish my movie (The Time Travelers Wife) and get my self to bed because I just happen to have THREE, yes three major tests this week in school, including one at 9:00 am tomorrow. What a pain.